Should I raise my hand? Just do it Amber. But what if I mess up? You won’t, you know what your doing. 

“Would anyone else like to play they’re chromatic scale?” My band teacher calls out, interrupting my debate. In band we are required to memorize a number of scales then to play them in front of the class when we are ready. The chromatic scale is just one of the few we need to play.

Raise your hand, Amber. It won’t be that bad. I try to work of the nerve to raise my hand. My heart races at the mere thought of playing in front of the class. The flute in my lap almost seems daunting, willing me to play the scale.

Before I know it, the chance slips away. We move on to the B flat scale. After the class goes up and down the scale together, the band director asks if anyone would like to play. You have to do this Amber. This is the easy one!

I turn to the other flutes in my section, Maddy and Sophie. They seem to be having the same inner debate.  “I’ll do it if you do,” I offer. With a hesitant look Maddy agrees, then the Sophie.

Only a few kids have played the scale, each doing fine. “You first!” I tell Sophie with a smile. She slowly raises her hand and gets called on. Notes fill the air, playing up then down with only a few falters. Maddy and I exchange a nervous smile before raising our hands. Someone else is called on instead and another shaky glance is passed. Then our hands are in the air again. Maddy gets called on. She raises her flute to her mouth and plays the scale. I’m next.

Ok Amber, you’ll do fine. You play this all the time. I slowly raise my flute up to my face and blow softly, moving my fingers across the keys. The scale was slightly out of tune but I didn’t slip up on any notes. I let out a shaky breath, thankful to have gotten that out of the way. For the rest of class we at other scales. Each time we play a new scale I try to muster up the courage to play, but each time I fail. I will get them eventually but today just wasn’t the day.